So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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