Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
