I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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