Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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