fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
