I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
