You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
