if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He kissed a someone with a penis
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
