get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
