i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
