we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
