you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
