i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
