Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
should my penis look like a turkey
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
