it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
