Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
