Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
