I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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