I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
