just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
