she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I deserve this hangover.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
