im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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