i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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