I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
