I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
