I heard we made out
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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