sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
