can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
