The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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