so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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