You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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