i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
