just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
