Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
