I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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