it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
