hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
