i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
