tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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