Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
