Is it because I queefed?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
