this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
