I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dicks are not precious.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
