So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
