I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
party gras won. party gras always wins.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
