so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
