So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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