Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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