You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
