he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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