Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
