Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
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I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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