and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize