My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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