This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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