Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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