Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
