I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Last time i carry you out of a forest
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
