it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I wear drunk well.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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