Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
