I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
