I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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