We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He passed out mid-signature
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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