my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
