Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
