You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
