thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
