I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
